Why Reaching the Summit Isn’t Always Enough
We are a goal-oriented society. From a young age, we are taught that happiness is something we "earn" by reaching certain milestones. It’s a script many of us know by heart: “I’ll be happy when I graduate.” “I’ll be happy when I get that promotion.” “I’ll be happy when I finally buy that house or finish the renovation.”
This mindset is known as The Arrival Fallacy. It is the illusion that once we reach a specific destination or achieve a particular goal, we will experience a state of lasting, permanent satisfaction. We view the "arrival" as the point where our stress will finally evaporate, and our "real" life will begin.
But as many of us have discovered, the "peak" often feels surprisingly similar to the climb. We reach the summit, take a breath, and within hours – or even minutes – our eyes are already scanning the horizon for the next mountain to scale.
The Never-Ending Horizon
There’s a reason that "new car smell" doesn't last forever. As humans, we are incredibly skilled at adjusting to our surroundings. When we land the dream job or move into a new house, our baseline shifts almost immediately. What was once a hard-won victory quickly settles into our running inventory – it just becomes another part of our day-to-day life.
Because we don't always realise that we’ve simply adjusted to our new "normal," we often mistake that feeling of normalcy for a sign that we haven't actually "arrived" yet. We think, "Maybe I'm not as happy as I expected because this wasn't the right goal," and so we look further out. We pick a bigger mountain, commit more of our mental bandwidth to the climb, and start all over again. It’s like chasing the horizon; it looks like a solid line you can reach, but it moves a mile further away for every mile you gain.
The Hidden Cost of "Waiting to Live"
When we live in the Arrival Fallacy, we treat the present moment as a mere obstacle to be overcome. We "white-knuckle" our way through weeks, months, or years of our lives, telling ourselves that the struggle is justified by the eventual reward.
The danger here is that we are essentially training our minds to be dissatisfied. If you spend ten years practicing "I’ll be happy when," you become an expert at being unhappy now. When the goal is finally met, your mind doesn't magically know how to switch to "satisfied" mode; it only knows how to look for the next thing that's missing.
How to Break the Cycle
1. Prioritise the Process over the Prize
If you hate the "climb," the view from the top will never be worth it. Emotional agility requires us to find value in the daily actions of our lives. If your goal is to write a book, you must find a way to enjoy the act of writing, not just the idea of being an "author." Ask yourself: "If I never reached the destination, would the time I spent on the journey still feel meaningful?"
2. Practice "Active Appreciation"
The Arrival Fallacy thrives on a "scarcity" mindset – the belief that something is currently missing. Counteract this by acknowledging three "micro-wins" every single day. These aren't life-changing events; they are small moments of grace, like a productive meeting, a good cup of coffee, or a kind word from a friend. This trains your mental bandwidth to scan for what is present, rather than what is absent.
3. Redefine "Enough"
In a culture of "more," the most radical thing you can do is define what "enough" looks like. What does enough money, enough success, and enough recognition actually feel like for you? Without a definition of enough, the Arrival Fallacy will continue to drive you toward a horizon you can never reach.
Reaching your goals is a wonderful achievement, but it is not a cure for the human condition. You aren't "broken" because you don't feel perfectly happy once you’ve arrived; you’re just human.
By shifting your focus from the destination to the quality of the journey, you reclaim your life from the "I'll be happy when" trap. You don't have to wait for the finish line to start living.