The Power of ‘Not-Yet'
There is a specific kind of frustration that comes with doing the work but not seeing the results.
Maybe you’ve been practicing new boundaries, showing up for therapy, or trying to shift an old habit for weeks. You’re putting in the effort, yet your daily life feels remarkably similar to how it did a month ago. In these moments, it’s easy to feel like you’re standing still – or worse, like you’re failing.
But there is a massive difference between "never" and "not-yet."
The Rooting Phase
When we plant a seed, we don’t expect to see a sprout the next morning. For a long time, nothing appears to be happening above the surface. If we were to judge the seed’s progress by what we could see, we’d assume it was defective.
But beneath the soil, that seed is in its most active phase. It is pushing through the dark, establishing a complex system of roots. It is building the foundation it needs to actually survive once it hits the air. If it grew upward before it grew downward, the first gust of wind would knock it over.
Our own growth follows the same pattern. Often, the most significant changes in our lives are the ones that happen in the "dark" – the shifts in how we talk to ourselves, how we process a trigger, or how we choose to respond instead of react. This is your rooting phase. Just because it isn't visible to the outside world doesn't mean it isn't happening.
Shifting the Internal Language
The word "never" is a wall. It’s a fixed point that shuts down curiosity and hope. When we say, "I’ll never get past this," or "I’m never going to feel better," we stay stuck in the frustration of the moment.
"Not-yet," however, is a bridge.
"I haven't found my footing... not-yet."
"I don't feel steady in this new boundary... not-yet."
"The path forward isn't clear... not-yet."
Adding those two small words acknowledges your current reality without making it your permanent destination. It allows you to stay present with the "messy middle" of growth while still holding space for the version of you that is eventually going to bloom.
How to Stay When You Want to Leave
Sitting in the "not-yet" is uncomfortable. We are a culture obsessed with the "after" photo, the big reveal, and the finished product. We aren't taught how to be patient with the process of becoming.
When the wait feels too heavy, try to shift your focus from the outcome to the anchor. Ask yourself: What is one small thing I did today that aligned with the person I want to be? Maybe it was just one deep breath before a difficult email. Maybe it was choosing to be honest about being tired. Those are the tiny root-hairs that eventually hold up a life. They matter, even when they’re invisible.
Navigating the Wait Together
Living in a season of "not-yet" can feel incredibly lonely. It’s hard to keep believing in the growth you can’t see, especially when the world around you seems to be moving at a much faster pace.
If you feel like you’ve been in the dark for too long, or if the "rooting phase" is starting to feel more like a weight than a foundation, you don't have to navigate that silence alone. Sometimes, having a professional perspective can help you spot the tiny, subtle signs of progress that you might be missing. It’s okay to need an anchor while you’re waiting for your own roots to take hold. Reaching out isn’t a sign that you’ve stopped growing – it’s a sign that you’re committed to the process.