Moving Forward, Not Moving On: Navigating Grief
We are often told that time heals all wounds, and that eventually, we will find "closure" and "move on." While these phrases are usually offered with the best intentions, they can feel incredibly dismissive to someone sitting in the middle of a loss.
The idea of "moving on" suggests a finish line – a point where you leave your grief behind and return to the person you were before the loss happened. But grief doesn't work on a linear timeline, and for many, the idea of leaving a loved one or a significant life chapter "behind" feels like a betrayal.
Let's talk about a different perspective: We don’t move on from grief; we move forward with it.
The Myth of "Closure"
The word "closure" implies that a door is being shut. In reality, significant loss changes the architecture of our lives. You aren't meant to "get over it" as if it were a temporary hurdle.
When we stop pressuring ourselves to find closure, we give ourselves permission to acknowledge that this loss has changed us. Healing isn't about the grief getting smaller; it's about us becoming "larger" to accommodate it.
The Shifting Landscape
Think of your life as a landscape you’ve known your whole life. When you experience a profound loss, the geography of that landscape changes forever. It’s as if a permanent new mountain has appeared or a deep canyon has opened up where there used to be flat ground.
"Moving on" would mean trying to find a way back to the old, flat map – which is impossible. Moving forward means learning how to navigate this new terrain.
You aren't trying to make the mountain disappear; you are building paths around it. Some days the climb feels steep and exhausting. Other days, you find a beautiful viewpoint you never would have seen from the old map. The mountain (your grief) stays, but your ability to walk through the landscape grows.
How to "Move Forward" with Your Grief
If you are struggling with the pressure to "be over it" by now, try these shifts in perspective:
Integrate, Don't Eliminate: Instead of trying to forget or stop feeling the pain, look for ways to integrate the memory of what you lost into your current life. This might be through a ritual, a dedicated memory, or simply acknowledging how that person or experience shaped the person you are today.
Acknowledge the Waves: Grief often feels like the ocean. Some days the water is calm; other days, a rogue wave hits you out of nowhere. Moving forward means learning how to swim in those waters, rather than waiting for the ocean to disappear.
Give Your Grief a Seat at the Table: When a wave of sadness hits, try not to fight it. Acknowledge it: "I am feeling the weight of this loss today, and that makes sense." By naming it, you reduce the shame that often comes with "still" feeling sad.
When the Weight Feels Too Heavy
While grief is a natural response to loss, it can sometimes become so heavy that it feels impossible to grow your "outer circle." If you feel stuck in the centre of your grief, unable to engage with the world or find moments of respite, seeking professional support can help.
Our team is here to walk alongside you, helping you navigate these waves and find ways to expand your life around your loss, at your own pace.
As you move through this new year, remember that there is no "right" way to heal. You don't have to leave your memories or your love behind to have a meaningful future. You are simply learning a new way to carry them as you walk forward.