Feel Your Feelings Without Being Overwhelmed
Do you try to push uncomfortable feelings away? When anxiety, sadness, or frustration bubble up, many of us default to ignoring, distracting, or fighting them. But this avoidance often backfires, making the emotion stronger and harder to manage.
Learning to navigate intense emotions isn't about ignoring your feelings or pretending everything is fine; it’s about emotional agility. This is the skill of being present with your feelings – even the difficult ones – without getting tangled up in them. It's how you move through life's challenges with flexibility and self-compassion.
The Trap: Emotional Hooking
When an intense emotion strikes, it's easy to get "emotionally hooked." This is when your thoughts and actions become completely controlled by that single feeling.
For example, when you feel anxious, you might be hooked into believing, "I can't handle this," or "I must avoid that situation at all costs." When you feel sad, you might be hooked into thinking, "I'm always sad," or "There's something wrong with me."
This rigidity is the opposite of agility. Emotional agility teaches you to observe the hook without biting it.
4 Steps to Practice Emotional Agility
Emotional agility is a skill, and like any skill, it gets stronger with practice. Here’s a simple four-step process to help you create space between you and your feelings.
1. Show Up (Acknowledge)
The first step is to simply notice the emotion. Instead of immediately reacting, pausing gives you a critical moment of space.
Practice: As soon as you feel a strong emotion, stop and name it. You might say to yourself, "I am noticing a feeling of frustration," or "I recognise that anxiety is showing up right now." Acknowledging it is like shining a spotlight on it – it takes away some of its power.
2. Step Out (Detach)
Once you've named the feeling, create distance from it. Remember: You are not your feelings. Your feelings are simply data or messages from your body and mind.
Practice: Use language that separates you from the emotion. Instead of saying, "I am angry," rephrase it as "I am feeling anger," or "I notice I am having angry thoughts." This subtle shift reminds you that the feeling is temporary and separate from your identity.
3. Walk Your Why (Align with Values)
When you're caught up in an emotion, your reaction often pushes you away from your long-term values. Emotional agility is about choosing responses that align with who you truly want to be.
Practice: Ask yourself: "If I respond based on my values (e.g., patience, kindness, honesty), how would I handle this situation?" This question helps you choose a response over a reaction, even if the feeling is still present.
4. Move On (Take Action)
This isn't about ignoring the problem; it's about taking small, intentional steps forward while holding your values. The action doesn't have to be a major solution – just a tiny piece of movement.
Practice: If you are anxious about a deadline (Step 1), and you value responsibility (Step 3), the action might be to simply open the document and type the title (Step 4). A small, values-driven action disrupts the emotional loop and moves you forward.
Emotional agility is a practice of self-compassion. It's the understanding that all human emotions are valid and deserve your attention, but none of them deserve to steer your ship indefinitely.
By learning to recognise when you are "hooked" and using these steps to create space, you develop the inner strength to feel your feelings completely, learn from them, and move forward with clarity and purpose. That is the true measure of emotional health.